Black Tumblr Themes

Photo Post Fri, Jul. 26, 2013 534,336 notes

vialsofbrightforgettingpowders:

ALRIGHT MOTHERFUCKERS, TIME FOR SOME LEARNIN SO SIT OUR BITCH ASS DOWN AND GET OUT OUR NOTEPAD
THIS SHIT RIGHT HERE IS SUGAR SCRUB. YEAH I KNOW YOUVE SEEN IT BEFORE BUT YOU DONT KNOW WHAT I KNOW AND THAT WHEN YOU USE IT WITH ONE OF THESE FUCKERS

YOU WILL GET LEGS AND ARMS AND ANY OTHER SHIT YOU WANT THAT IS SO SOFT YOU WILL BE SHOVING IT IN THE FACE OF EVERYONE YOU KNOW AND ASKING THEM TO COMPARE IT TO THE TENDER PINK FLESH OF A NEWBORN
SO GET YOURSELF SOME FUCKING WHITE SUGAR AND SOME CHEAP ASS OIL LIKE CANOLA OR SOME SHIT AND MIX THAT SHIT WITH TWO PARTS SUGAR AND ONE PART OIL( THAT MEANS TWICE AS MUCH SUGAR AS OIL BITCHES I USUALLY USE ONE CUP OF SUGAR AND DO SOME FUCKING MATH TO FIGURE OUT HOW MUCH OIL THAT IS) DROP A FEW DROPS OF VANILLA ESSENCE OR MAYBE SOME FUCKING LAVENDER OIL WHATEVER YOU WANNA SMELL LIKE. MIX IT UP REALLY GOOD MMMM SMELLS LIKE CAKE BATTER FUCK YEAH.

NOW GET YOURSELF GOOD AND NAKED. REAL NAKED. PAMPER YOUR GODDESS-LIKE ASS WITH A BUBBLE BATH. TAKE ONE OF THOSE RAZORS YOU GOT AND SHAVE WHATEVER YOU LIKE TO SHAVE LEGS ARMS VAJAYJAY PITS I DONT FUCKING CARE.
NOW GET OUT OF THAT GROSS HAIRY DIRT WATER AND SIT ON THE EDGE OF THAT THERE BATHTUB. TAKE A HANDFUL OF THAT SWEET GOOP AND RUB IT ALL OVER THAT SKIN OF YOURS(just dont use this stuff on or near your lady bits i put this in lower case because it is really important your love cavern does not like sugar uh uh no way its diabetic) RUB RUB RUB KEEP RUBBIN YEAH YOUR HANDS STARTING TO FEEL WEIRD GOOD BECAUSE ITS WORKING

NOW TAKE THAT CHEAP-ASS DISPOSABLE RAZOR YOU HAVE AND SHAVE OFF THAT NASTY-ASS DEAD SKIN EWW ITS SO GROSS NO ITS NOT ITS YOUR OWN SKIN BUT ITS ALL GREY. RINSE OF THAT OILY STUFF BECAUSE YOUR SKIN AINT NO SLIP-N-SLIDE

GOOD NOW FEEL YOUR NEWFOUND SOFT SKIN THAT WAS ONCE BURIED UNDER LAYERS OF DEAD FLAKES OF YOUR PAST SELF YOUR WELCOME MOTHERFUCKERS CLASS DISMISSED

vialsofbrightforgettingpowders:

ALRIGHT MOTHERFUCKERS, TIME FOR SOME LEARNIN SO SIT OUR BITCH ASS DOWN AND GET OUT OUR NOTEPAD

THIS SHIT RIGHT HERE IS SUGAR SCRUB. YEAH I KNOW YOUVE SEEN IT BEFORE BUT YOU DONT KNOW WHAT I KNOW AND THAT WHEN YOU USE IT WITH ONE OF THESE FUCKERS

YOU WILL GET LEGS AND ARMS AND ANY OTHER SHIT YOU WANT THAT IS SO SOFT YOU WILL BE SHOVING IT IN THE FACE OF EVERYONE YOU KNOW AND ASKING THEM TO COMPARE IT TO THE TENDER PINK FLESH OF A NEWBORN

SO GET YOURSELF SOME FUCKING WHITE SUGAR AND SOME CHEAP ASS OIL LIKE CANOLA OR SOME SHIT AND MIX THAT SHIT WITH TWO PARTS SUGAR AND ONE PART OIL( THAT MEANS TWICE AS MUCH SUGAR AS OIL BITCHES I USUALLY USE ONE CUP OF SUGAR AND DO SOME FUCKING MATH TO FIGURE OUT HOW MUCH OIL THAT IS) DROP A FEW DROPS OF VANILLA ESSENCE OR MAYBE SOME FUCKING LAVENDER OIL WHATEVER YOU WANNA SMELL LIKE. MIX IT UP REALLY GOOD MMMM SMELLS LIKE CAKE BATTER FUCK YEAH.

NOW GET YOURSELF GOOD AND NAKED. REAL NAKED. PAMPER YOUR GODDESS-LIKE ASS WITH A BUBBLE BATH. TAKE ONE OF THOSE RAZORS YOU GOT AND SHAVE WHATEVER YOU LIKE TO SHAVE LEGS ARMS VAJAYJAY PITS I DONT FUCKING CARE.

NOW GET OUT OF THAT GROSS HAIRY DIRT WATER AND SIT ON THE EDGE OF THAT THERE BATHTUB. TAKE A HANDFUL OF THAT SWEET GOOP AND RUB IT ALL OVER THAT SKIN OF YOURS(just dont use this stuff on or near your lady bits i put this in lower case because it is really important your love cavern does not like sugar uh uh no way its diabetic) RUB RUB RUB KEEP RUBBIN YEAH YOUR HANDS STARTING TO FEEL WEIRD GOOD BECAUSE ITS WORKING

NOW TAKE THAT CHEAP-ASS DISPOSABLE RAZOR YOU HAVE AND SHAVE OFF THAT NASTY-ASS DEAD SKIN EWW ITS SO GROSS NO ITS NOT ITS YOUR OWN SKIN BUT ITS ALL GREY. RINSE OF THAT OILY STUFF BECAUSE YOUR SKIN AINT NO SLIP-N-SLIDE

GOOD NOW FEEL YOUR NEWFOUND SOFT SKIN THAT WAS ONCE BURIED UNDER LAYERS OF DEAD FLAKES OF YOUR PAST SELF YOUR WELCOME MOTHERFUCKERS CLASS DISMISSED

(Source: sliceofbri, via dorkchata-deactivated20140405)




Video Post Fri, Jul. 26, 2013 1,121,116 notes

thejuddmcnealshow:

mulletsmakememoist:

never not reblog this ever

Wow, and this was a FOX news guy.

(Source: dontgetcomfortable, via humplord)




Photo Post Tue, Jul. 23, 2013 15,514 notes

inkskinned:

“This guy and I have fallen in love, but he’s my ex’s best friend. We don’t know how to tell him…”

inkskinned:

This guy and I have fallen in love, but he’s my ex’s best friend. We don’t know how to tell him…”

(via staypozitive)




Photo Post Tue, Jul. 23, 2013 49,125 notes

takingthetardistopigfarts:

jazztronic:

lolita-tips:

I have to share this here because it’s not only useful, but adorable.

Trying this out right now.
I don’t have a shower cap so I wrapped my head in a plastic grocery bag.
I look so sexy

I’ve done this before. It feels heavenly afterwards. I was actually thinking of doing it again tomorrow!

takingthetardistopigfarts:

jazztronic:

lolita-tips:

I have to share this here because it’s not only useful, but adorable.

Trying this out right now.

I don’t have a shower cap so I wrapped my head in a plastic grocery bag.

I look so sexy

I’ve done this before. It feels heavenly afterwards. I was actually thinking of doing it again tomorrow!

(Source: , via thislovethishateitsalladebate)




Video Post Tue, Jul. 23, 2013 76,534 notes

(via staypozitive)




Video Post Tue, Jul. 23, 2013 2,651 notes

Little behind the scenes insight. These two, Jennifer and Josh, are the funniest pair. And the biggest joy to work with. They really are. I mean, they have a language all their own and ideas that you can’t follow half of what they’re saying. But it’s all really funny and really clever. The chemistry that they have on screen is really a reflection of their friendship off screen. - Jeffrey Wright

(Source: frostingpeetaswounds, via ab0ve-the-cl0udss)




Photo Post Tue, Jul. 23, 2013 27,327 notes

(Source: tr3slikes, via ab0ve-the-cl0udss)




Photo Post Tue, Jul. 23, 2013 513,323 notes

(Source: awwww-cute, via ab0ve-the-cl0udss)




Text Post Mon, Jul. 22, 2013 172,399 notes

zurashisu:

iamawandmaker:

thatdrumsbeatingloudandclear:

ishimarun:

zephyrl:

emkaymlp:

snk fandom? no you misunderstood me. im in the sink fandom

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is that the fucking entrance to the chamber of secrets

that is the most beautiful sink i have ever seen can i join this sink fandom

I want to be in the sink fandom.

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Somebody’s slowly losing their sanity.

(via opentheheavenswide)







Quote Post Mon, Jul. 22, 2013 217,386 notes

“I was told
The average girl begins to plan her wedding at the age of 7
She picks the colors and the cake first
By the age of 10 
She knows time,
And location
By 17
She’s already chosen a gown
2 bridesmaids
And a maid of honor
By 23 
She’s waiting for a man
Who wont break out in hives when he hears the word “commitment”
Someone who doesn’t smell like a Band-Aid drenched in lonely
Someone who isn’t a temporary solution to the empty side of the bed
Someone
Who’ll hold her hand like it’s the only one they’ve ever seen
To be honest
I don’t know what kind of tux I’ll be wearing
I have no clue what want my wedding will look like
But I imagine
The women who pins my last to hers
Will butterfly down the aisle
Like a 5 foot promise
I imagine
Her smile
Will be so large that you’ll see it on google maps
And know exactly where our wedding is being held
The woman that I plan to marry
Will have champagne in her walk
And I will get drunk on her footsteps
When the pastor asks
If I take this woman to be my wife
I will say yes before he finishes the sentence
I’ll apologize later for being impolite
But I will also explain him
That our first kiss happened 6 years ago
And I’ve been practicing my “Yes”
For past 2, 165 days
When people ask me about my wedding
I never really know what to say
But when they ask me about my future wife
I always tell them
Her eyes are the only Christmas lights that deserve to be seen all year long
I say
She thinks too much
Misses her father
Loves to laugh
And she’s terrible at lying
Because her face never figured out how to do it correctly
I tell them
If my alarm clock sounded like her voice
My snooze button would collect dust
I tell them
If she came in a bottle
I would drink her until my vision is blurry and my friends take away my keys
If she was a book
I would memorize her table of contents
I would read her cover-to-cover
Hoping to find typos
Just so we can both have a few things to work on
Because aren’t we all unfinished?
Don’t we all need a little editing?
Aren’t we all waiting to be proofread by someone?
Aren’t we all praying they will tell us that we make sense
She don’t always make sense
But her imperfections are the things I love about her the most
I don’t know when I will be married
I don’t know where I will be married
But I do know this
Whenever I’m asked about my future wife
I always say
…She’s a lot like you”


Rudy francisco (via sandousy)

(via nipbar-deactivated20140707)





Video Post Mon, Jul. 22, 2013 371,986 notes

triumphantshananigans:

lesbipoet13:

ive-been-triggered-by-kankri:

likeafieldmouse:

Heike Mutter & Ulrich Genth - Tiger & Turtle (2011) - A walk-along “roller coaster”

HOW THE FUCK DO YOU DO THE LOOP-DE-LOOP

DO YOU HAVE TO RUN AND DO YOUR BEST OR WHAT

I had to scroll back up and reblog it just because of the comment

Amazing.

(via nipbar-deactivated20140707)





Photo Post Mon, Oct. 01, 2012 7,087 notes

(via zodiaccity)




Photo Post Mon, Oct. 01, 2012 2,876 notes

(via zodiaccity)



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